They told me I needed a “platform.”

Apparently, it is no longer acceptable to simply exist in the woods and eat honey. According to my marketing team (a human named Tom), a bear in the 21st century needs to have a “digital presence.” I need to “engage with the community” and “build a personal brand.”

Do you know what I want to engage with? A pillow. A very firm, slightly cool pillow.

But here I am. I am sitting at a desk that hurts my back, typing this on a keyboard that was clearly not designed for paws. Have you ever tried to hit the “Shift” key without accidentally smashing “Caps Lock” at the same time? It isn’t dignified. It is a logistical nightmare.

What You Will Not Find Here

Let’s manage expectations right now. The internet is full of blogs telling you how to optimize your life. They want you to wake up at 4:00 AM to drink kale water. They want you to journal about your gratitude.

You will not find that here.

If you enjoy watching the sunrise, you are in the wrong place. If you think “hustle culture” is inspiring, please close this tab immediately. This is not a place for inspiration. It is a place for reality. And the reality is that waking up is hard, pants are uncomfortable, and most meetings could have been an email.

A Record of Grievances

Consider this journal a digital archive of my complaints. I plan to document the small, itchy inconveniences of modern life that nobody talks about.

I’m talking about socks that slowly slide down inside your shoe while you walk. I’m talking about the specific rage of waiting for a microwave to finish the last three seconds. I’m talking about people who say “Happy Friday!” with enough enthusiasm to power a small city.

These are the things that keep me up at night. Well, actually, nothing keeps me up at night because I am an excellent sleeper. But they definitely annoy me when I am awake.

The Schedule (Or Lack Thereof)

Tom tells me I need a “content calendar.” I told Tom that calendars are a construct designed to oppress us.

I will post here whenever the mood strikes. Maybe that is once a week. Maybe it is once a month. Maybe I will hibernate for a season and you won’t hear from me until April. That is the risk you take by following a bear.

If you are tired, grumpy, or just want to feel better about doing absolutely nothing today, you are welcome to stay. Read the posts. Buy a shirt. Or don’t. I am going to go find a snack now.